In Remembrance July 27, 2009

(Written on the bullet train last Friday;  posted on Monday)

I am returning from the memorial service of my  friend Rikako in Tokyo.  She was 45 years old, and has left a husband and two beautiful girls. 

 I first met her two  years ago when I spent the day visiting her with her sister, my good friend, Yumiko.  On that day, Rikako was dealing with the return of her cancer.  Yumiko and I shared with her that day the hope of Christ, and it was an amazing privilege to be a small part of her decision to become a follower of Jesus.  The three of us rejoiced together that day. 

Four months after that, our two families met (see photo) when she and her daughters came to Kobe to see her mom.

 

 Here’s what I wrote about her on the blog two years ago:

We have talked on the phone at different times, but it was such a treat to meet her today. The woman I met today is a different person than she was four months ago. She has hope; she has joy. She is not afraid. When I asked her what it is like this year to go through the Obon holidays, she said it very different…now she is praying and singing praise songs throughout the day, and she just has a thankful heart. It was such a joy to be with her. Her two girls are beautiful, and they have enjoyed the chances to go with their mom to church on occasion as well as to pray together every night before bedtime. 

Today, her funeral was a church nearby where she attended when she was able.  The pastor would often visit her at home and spend time in fellowship and worship as Rikako’s cancer became worse. 

I learned some new cultural things about funerals this week.  A neighbor friend offered to prepare for me the traditional envelope that you give at Japanese funeral with a money gift inside.   She put our name and address on one side under a short Japanese phrase, the amount of money on the back with the first number just hidden purposely by the folded flap.  I was so thankful to have the “right” cultural present to take with me today!

 

Alas.  Late last night that neighbor friend called as she realized I was attending a Christian funeral.  She said, “you can’t take that envelope to a Christian funeral!”  I was confused.  Why not?  The phrase that is traditionally written on the front means, basically, “that her spirit will come back during the Obon season.”  Obon is a Japanese holiday coming up in August in which many return to their hometowns in order to celebrate the return of their ancestor’s spirits.

Eric and I laughed pretty hard.  I would NOT have been presenting the right cultural present at this Christian funeral!  Thankfully we found out in time, and I was able to use a simple white envelope that my friend Yumiko prepared when I asked her today…

I debated what to wear, and was thankful for our friend Yas’s advice to go with the all-black classic dress, rather than the jacket/skirt that was black with a bit of color in it. Phew.  Good call.  EVERYONE really was wearing all black (I wasn’t sure since this was a Christian funeral). I also wore pearls, as did most of the women attending.

At the church, we were handed clear veneer slippers to put on over our dress shoes.  I realized the church didn’t have enough slippers for all the people who would be coming in, so instead the funeral directors had provided these alternatives to protect the church floors that are only used to slippers gracing them.  Another new experience!

It was so good, and so hard, to see Yumiko and Rikako’s daughters.  What a huge, huge loss.  My heart has hurt so much for the premature death of this special lady.

As I was sitting in the pew listening to the organ playing “Amazing Grace,” it occurred to me that this event – the funeral – is the bottom line.  The tears ran down my cheek as we sang “What a Friend we have in Jesus.”  Because either all that we believe about  eternal life and trusting in Jesus is 100% true, or else 100% of all that we are about here in Japan is a joke and has no meaning.  There’s no other option.  Either God’s promises are all real, or none of it is. 

As I listened to the wonderful female pastor give a message in the most polite of all Japanese, the message was not lost even on my ears unaccustomed to this formal language:  The same God who is holding Rikako right now is wanting to love us. Her text was from I John:  ”Perfect love casts out all fear.”  That the perfect love of our Father is able to take away our fear of sickness and even of death.  She herself teared up several times in the midst of the message.   She kept telling the participants (mostly nonbelievers from the family’s community) to not forget one thing when they leave:  that they are loved by their Creator God.

His promises ARE all real.  In that church in the midst of so much grief and sadness was the presence of our Lord.  I sensed His lingering there, longing to get the attention of the 300 or so who were sitting there trying to figure out this church thing.  And I prayed that they could see past the “churchiness” and the formal Japanese to the message that was so real for Rikako,  that is so real for me today:  God loves us each so much.  He loves the Japanese people.   And if it’s worth living for, it is certainly all the more worth dying for.

Creation Joys July 25, 2009

I could easily write a thousand words or so about our latest 3-day camping (and sightseeing) trip—but I’ll let the pictures do most of the talking.

We began with a one-day driving trip to get to Noto-Hanto, a large, very beautiful peninsula in central Japan.

We stopped in Kanazawa, one of the few traditional cities in Japan not destroyed by the bombs of WWII.  We enjoyed shopping in the downtown market for fresh fish to grill that evening, as well as – fresh sushi for lunch. Olivia enjoyed the whole fish experience a bit TOO much, and didn’t make it to the restroom (extra outfit #1).

On the peninsula, we drove along a famous beach with the rain pouring on both sides.  The elements didn’t ruin our fun—our kids were the first to plunge into the Sea (extra outfit #2).

The first night it poured and poured through the night, but I had such a wonderful sense of being secure with my family in this tent off the Sea of  Japan.  There really is something special about being as close as possible to a huge force of nature (like a rain storm) without getting wet.
The next morning was quite ominous, so we put off our beach outing and went to a great aquarium nearby.  Just as we were out petting the penguins, the rain starting pelting on all of us (extra outfit #3).

We had a wonderful afternoon on both Sunday and Monday at the beach – swimming, collecting shells, playing in the sand.  And, we discovered, you can’t have a real outing at the beach without — cup ramen.

(Did you know that in a recent survey Japanese voted this the best invention of the 20th century?  Truth).
During our time at the campsite, the kids went bug-hunting… Owen made great friends with the boy in the campsite next to us… we talked and laughed and shared with our friends the I. family…. And of course you spend a lot of time preparing, cleaning up, and talking about the meals.

At night, we did fireworks and roasted marshmallows (extra outfit #5)—and of course made S’mores, which has become a favorite of the I. family now.  (This time we used coconut cookies because we can’t find graham crackers here anymore!).
I tried to do one load (extra outfits #1-5) of laundry at the campsite but the dryer never really worked.  We’ve spent the last few days catching up on laundry, drying out our damp tent/sleeping bags, and continuing our busy summer schedule.  But how wonderful it is – laundry, clean-up and all–to stop our normal lives and allow the silent witness of God’s Creation to touch us. (The last photo is Owen’s essay for summer homework of the camping trip.)

Parenting & Sympathy July 14, 2009

Wow- today was a rough one!  It started and ended pretty painful.   When we arrived at Annie’s yochien (kindergarten), she started clinging to me and did NOT want to.  She started screaming when the school principal took her from my arms and carried her through the school yard to her class.  I just stood behind the gate and watched, and prayed.   She cried for quite awhile at school, I found out afterwards from her teacher.  I have NO idea what set her off, but with her personality, once she is set off…things can get dicey.

Tonight, bedtime was -ouch.  Owen was over-tired I think from Japanese writing class after school and sports club.  He and I struggled together through his homework- math word problems that he had a hard time understanding (because of language).  In the process of going to bed he pushed Olivia, wouldn’t say sorry, and things just got worse as he pulled his bed apart.  After I came downstairs, he was up on his bed sobbing for me to come back.  We hugged, he said I’m sorry, I prayed with him, and we put his bed back together.  Ten minutes later Annie came downstairs crying — at first I yelled at her to get back in bed- she went upstairs sobbing.  I stopped in my tracks, realizing that my response was inappropriate.  I said I was sorry,  took her back up, prayed with her.   As I write this, I have my fingers crossed that they are all, at last, asleep.

Man- it has been a rough day to be a mom!  We have had a lot of house guests and ministry obligations recently, which our children generally enjoy, but I wonder at times if we need to figure out  how to better connect with our children during these busy seasons.    There are also a lot of hellos and goodbyes. Today they said goodbye to our good friend Paul.  We also have a friend Allison staying with us who the kids have really enjoyed.  Owen keeps asking if it’s her last day with us – it is almost like he needs to prepare himself to say goodbye to her.  Our children are incredibly fortunate to have so many friends and family investing in their lives, but it also might be wearing on them in ways that we cannot always see.

I recently finished a really helpful parenting book — written one hundred years ago!  It’s called “Hints on Child Training” by H. Clay Trumbull – and there were several chapters that caught my attention, in particular.

One chapter near the end was called, “The Place of Sympathy in Child Training”. Trumbull takes the perspective that most parents can easily give love, but many parents miss out a great deal on not showing sympathy to their children.  Sympathy used today may be a slightly different definition– perhaps more like empathy.  Here are some quotes that help explain what he means:

“In his joys as in sorrows a true child wants someone to share his feelings rather than to guide them.  If he has fallen and hurt himself, a child is more helped by being spoken to in evident sympathy than by being told that he must not cry, or that his hurt is a very trifling matter.  The love that shows itself in tenderly blinding up his wound, in a case like this, has less hold upon the child than the sympathy that expresses a full sense of his pain…

“In order to sympathize with another, you must be able to put yourself in his place, mentally and emotionally; to occupy, for the time being, his point of view, and to see that which he sees, and as he sees it, as he looks out thence…. How the child ought to feel is one thing.  How the child does feel is quite another thing.  The parent may know the former better than the child does, but the latter the child knows better than the parent.  Until a parent has learned just how the child looks at any matter, the parent is incapable of so coming alongside of the child in his estimate of that matter as to win his confidence and to work with him toward a more correct view of it…. to stand with the child and point him to the course he ought to pursue, is more likely to inspire him to honest efforts in that direction, until he comes to think and to feel as his parents would have him.”

There is so much more good stuff in this chapter.  One more quote:  “It is a great thing for a parent to have such sympathy with his child that his child can tell him freely of his worst thoughts or his greatest failures without any fear of seeming to shock that parent, and so to chill the child’s confidence.  It is a great thing for a parent to have such sympathetic thoughts of his child when the child has unintentionally broken some fragile keepsake peculiarly dear to the parent, as to be more moved by regret for the child’s sorrow over the mishap than for the loss of the precious relic.  There is no such power over children as comes from such sympathy with children.”

What do you think?  Reading this – again- reminds how much growing I need to continue to do. This idea of sympathy has really challenged some of my standard quick reactions to my children.  There are times when instant discipline is necessary; but far too many times I have lost the opportunity to come along side and understand what is going on in their hearts.  There is much that happened today that I simply don’t understand– and perhaps they don’t understand either.  But I can keep learning to listen better…to sit with them in their places or confusion… tosay I’m sorry…. to love with a greater inclination towards sympathy.

If you think of it, pray for our family this busy summer, as our children continue to adjust to school, friends, homework, clubs all in a different language.  Here are a few fun photos this past week of these treasures God has entrusted to us.

Princess Days July 9, 2009

the weekend was all about the princess!  On Saturday Annie had a big performance at her Japanese kindergarten in celebration of “Tanabata Matsuri”, which celebrates the myth of a princess and her star-crossed lover.  All the classes did a few different dances, with the children wearing traditional Japanese summer outfits.  Nothing could be cuter than a few hundred five year olds dancing in unison wearing bright-colored yukatas!

Here is a video of the song she was most excited about it– it’s one of the theme songs from Pokeman.  Even though she’d had strept throat the 4 days before the festival, her previous days of practice payed off and she certainly enjoyed it.

On Sunday we celebrated Annie’s fifth birthday with several American friends and two Japanese families.  It was great fun– we had several Italian dishes complete with Fourth of July napkins, plates, and tablecloth from our friend Maho.

Annie was given a TInkerbell DVD and outfit  from her Auntie Beth:

…and we decided to go with the Tinkerbell/princess palace theme for her cake, as well. Eric had made a special cake topper with Tinkerbell and 3 of her fairy friends that were attached to a spinning top that moved when the candles burned.  (Unfortunately, it also burned a bit as the candles burned, but the general effect still worked!)

The REAL princess – and her sibling and two friends – were  thrilled…

and we loved celebrating special days with special friends.

Remembering the Earthquake July 6, 2009

The past ten days our whole family has enjoyed having our friend from Fuller days, Cindy Frost, visiting with us.  She’s been a great sport– willing to eat and experience many kinds of things. One night we were invited to join two other families in a special Osaka-region dish in which you deep fry all different foods prepared on skewers.  We at around for hours skewering, frying, eating, and enjoying the company.

Cindy also had a one-night home-stay with a family from our community.  The wife and daughter are believers, but the father is not.  It was a great joy for everyone when Mr. I. decided at the last minute to participate in our house church on Sunday because Cindy was there.  It was HIS FIRST TIME.

One highlight for both Cindy and me was returning to the place where we had ministered 14 years ago — the site of the Hanshin Earthquake in Kobe.  I remember sitting in Cindy’s living room with a group of Fuller friends after watching our weekly ritual, ER, when the news came on with the first photos of the devastation.  The Lord seemed to stir my heart in an unusual way — I sensed Him leading me to take a break from my current studies and bring a team to do relief work.

One month after the huge tragedy, ten Fuller students/colleagues and I left during our spring break to spend eight or so days doing relief work.  Five of the team members had counseling training and were able to do some PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) counseling;  all of us did a lot of things we had never done before.

We stayed the first night in a church in Nishinomiya (on the edge of Kobe) that was to become the mother church of our current ministry!  Here we are enjoying cold Spam (an American church had sent a whole shipment for earthquake relief but no one was quite sure how to prepare it).

We then spent a week staying in sleeping bags in the church in the middle of the worse of the quake – Kobe Christ Glory Church.  None of us had ever seen such devastation.  Over 6400 people were killed in the earthquake;  100,000 homes were destroyed. More people died from the subsequent fires than from the actual quake.

The church served 3 meals a day to over 200 people who found themselves without homes or kitchens… we learned to LOVE miso soup and how to chop lots and lots of tofu.  It was a wonderful experience in which we partnered with Japanese also working to bring relief, and even found ourselves performing at outdoor concerts for the homeless!

Eric, Olivia, and Cindy and I went back via GPS to Christ Glory Church last week, about an hour from our home here.  Upon arriving, we discovered that the church building has moved about a mile away from the previous site.  We had a nice visit with some of the church staff who remembered the “Fuller students wearing green sweatshirts”.  One of the members took us to the street where we had lived and ministered.  Here is the airplane view of how it looked after the earthquake:

It was hard to recognize as the same place!  The church has been replaced by a large electronics store and parking garage:

The park where there had been hundreds of people living in tents is now a hot springs resort.

The shopping arcade is still the same, but filled once again with new stores and the bustles of shoppers.

On the outside, there is no sign of the disaster of only 14 years ago.  But people still remember.  And we will never forget.  It’s an amazing privilege to be a splash of God’s grace in the midst of pain and devastation.